Begin Again
by Blinkandyoullmissit
Summary: Freya had been hurt by a previous relationship, and is terrified of love, because all it will do is break, and burn, and end. But maybe with Merlin, it can begin again... MODERN AU


_Take a deep breath in the mirror, he didn't like it when I wore high heels but I do._

Freya checked herself over one last time, before taking a deep breath in front of the mirror and spinning to face away from it.

"You look fine, don't think about it Freya, you're fine!" Those were memories she didn't want to think about. 8 months ago, and she'd just broken up with who she thought was 'her true love'. Her true love - who brought her down on everything she did, because she was never quite good enough.

When he left her hanging, and just expected her to run back to him like a obedient puppy-dog.

Well, not anymore. She was out of there, and boy was she glad about it in the long run. But it had scarred her, mentally. She moved away from him, moved away from where she suffered for breaking up with him in everything she saw.

Since moving to Camelot, she'd made some friends. One she had become especially close to, a lady who she met at work, Gwen. Gwen was one of the most lovely people Freya knew - honest, kind, and courageous. She always looked out for Freya.

She was the reason Freya was trying to look nice, with those high heels - _that he never liked_ - and the simple, pretty red dress.

It had been Gwen's birthday a week or so ago. Freya had been invited to her little party, with a few other people. Arthur, Gwen's fiance who was the boss of 'PENDRAGON MOBILE', was there, Elyan - Gwen's brother, and Merlin, Gwen's childhood friend.

Elyan was a police officer and, much to Gwen and his dismay, was called out to an emergency case half-way through the party. By then, Gwen and Arthur were far too absorbed in each other to pay any attention to Merlin and Freya, who were left awkwardly together. So, with not much else to do, they started chatting. Not about anything in particular, more general talk. Freya found that she was starting to like this Merlin fellow, he reminded him of a male version of Gwen, but he also had this sense of utter... innocence, that was undescribable.

So towards the end of the night, when they left, leaving a note to the completely wrapped up Gwen and Arthur, and he asked her if she'd like to meet up in a coffee shop one weeked 'or something like that', she almost automatically accepted.

Key word 'almost' - it was only 8 months since, well, since him. Love scared Freya so much, because all she knew of it was that it burned and it hurt and only caused pain and sad, sad endings. So the thought of anything even close to it terrified her...

... But Merlin was different. It was almost like she could sense it. So she said 'yes' and now...

_Turn the lock and put my headphones on, he always said he didn't get this song but I do, I do._

...Freya is standing by the door, her earphones and iPod in hand. She leaves her house, slowly turning the key in the lock until it clicks shut, before putting her earphones in and strolling down the street to the nearby bus stop. She could remember him laughing at her iPod songs, because according to him 'those songs are stupid - I don't get them at all!' but Freya understood, more than ever now.

_Walked in expecting you'd be late, but you got here early and you stand and wait, and I walk to you._

She was at the little coffee shop they'd arranged to meet at, just outside the door. Terror was pulling her away from it, but curiosity yanked her forwards.

Hesitantly, she pushed open the door, peeking around. She expected Merlin would be late - after all, she could always remember _he _always was.

"Freya! Over here!" The voice suprised her, and it's source suprised her even more. Merlin! He was standing at a table, waiting for her. He was early, and he waited for her. She walked up to him, a faint smile playing on her lips.

_You pulled my chair out and helped me in, and you don't know how nice that is, but I do._

It was a table for two. Ever the gentlemen, he helped her take off her thick, wooly duffel-coat, before delicately resting it over a chair. He then proceeded to pull the chair out for her. Slightly suprised at such acts of kindness, it took a few seconds of realisation to hit before she sat down.

_He _had never been this nice, or polite. He always turned up late, and gave her a dirty look, and expected her to be there waiting for him _every single time._

_And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid_

They started off with small talk, before leading onto other things. Freya recited an experience involving her uncle, who seemed to try and provoke her all the time they were around each other and she to him, with the ways becoming even more inventive and crazy as time went on, and Merlin threw his head back laughing at one particularly funny incident.

Freya enjoyed it when he smiled, and loved it when he smiled. It just seemed to light up the world around her, in a sweet, beautiful way that only he seemed able to. She glanced at his merry eyes, and found herself unable to stop the grin spreading on her face.

_I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did_

He told her, in his slightly kooky phrases and wonderful words, that he thought he was funny. Freya couldn't believe how weird that sounded - _he_ had never, not once, told her she was funny, despite her spilling (pretty much) her whole life story to him, and all the good (and bad) jokes she possibly knew. Her, funny? It felt good though, to think that someone out of family (because Gwen was pretty much another sister to her) thought she was... something. Pretty, kind, caring, brave, funny...

_I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end..._

She'd not paid any attention to anyone in _that _way for at least 8 months, not since she'd left what she thought was 'love' behind. Because all she could remember were the bad - the heartbreak, the pain, the abuse, the secrets, the evil... And it made her far too scared to venture on that tightrope for a while, but now...

_But on a Wesnesday, in a cafe, I watched it Begin Again._

Despite all the fear she'd felt, and the pain at her last loss, with Merlin she felt that spark once more.

Love wasn't like with _him_, falling into it with no escape. She was finally over _him._

No, love with Merlin wasn't falling. It was floating into the air, it was flying but it was never falling.

The bill came for their cake and coffee, and they both reached for it at the same time. Her hand reached it first, and his hand was on top of hers. They looked at each other, and Freya could feel herself blushing. In the end, so they both felt fine morally, they split the costs.

They left the cafe, and it was time for them to part ways. Before they left, he took her hand in his before bringing her hand it to his lips, lightly kissing it.

"A thank you for such a fine afternoon. I'll text you about meeting up again, maybe this time next week?" Merlin spoke gently, and Freya over-eagerly nodded, before realising where they stood and calming down slightly. Merlin nodded, before kissing her hand once more and letting go, waving as they seperated paths.

She stood, shell-shocked, as she felt it begin again.

**a/n: I do not own Merlin, if I did a reveal would've happened ages ago. I do not own 'Begin Again' by Taylor Swift, clearly Taylor Swift owns it. I hope you enjoy!**


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